@azizansari Just once I’d like to hear “Aziz, looks like you gained a few pounds! You must be eating a lot of delicious food. Good for you.”
JACK: What are you complainin’ about? I had to carry the cake all the way up here!
KAREN: What cake?
JACK: This cake! Oh, my God! I must have set it down!
KAREN: Honey, honey, honey, come here. Come here. Come here. A little bit closer. Listen. I’m too tired to slap you. Bash your face against my palm, would ya?
Tom: Chocolate or strawberries?
Dan: Chocolate. I’m not stupid.
Tom: I didn’t know ice cream preference could be linked to intelligence. My goodness, you defeat one dark wizard, you think you know everything.
Can you imagine the conversation though?
Queen: I’m going
Chief of Staff: But, Your Majesty, the security risks…
Queen: I’m going I want cake
Chief of Staff:
Queen:
Chief of Staff:
Queen: I want cake
Bride: Eh, it’s fine, it’s not like the Queen is coming
Groom: Totally
Queen: Heyoooo
buy a fucking hamburger cake for you and all your fucking white people friends at your fucking white party
this girl telling me not to eat my cake because i don’t want my thighs to touch
they won’t be touching with your man between them
the scariest thing about being an adult is looking at a 20 dollar bill and realizing that holy shit i could just
buy an entire cake for myself and eat it and nO ONE COULD STOP ME?? IT DOESN’T EVEN HAVE TO BE MY BIRTHDAY JESUS CHRIST
My mom’s friend adopted this lovely dog after he was abandoned by his previous family. His name is Shaun. Shaun had always been very good at eating all his food. Every last bit that was, he ate it. One day he started leaving a little bit behind. He wouldn’t eat everything, no matter what. He always left a little behind. Every morning when my mom’s friend checked Shaun’s bowl, the food was gone. That was very strange, because Shaun always spent the night by her side.
One night she decided to investigate the food situation. She waited quietly by the food bowl and then, in the middle of the night, a cat came through the window and ate the remaining food. She noticed the cat was actually pregnant. A week or so later the cat came into her house and gave birth to 6 little kittens. Shaun took care of them as if they were his own babies. My mom’s friend adopted the cat too (her name is Meow) and they took care of the kittens until they all found a loving home. Nowadays Meow and Shaun live happily together as a family and they each have their little bowl of food.
