Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun...– Zeus, to Hera (via historysaidwhat)
Kevin Hart talking about his daughter
He did an internet, and now the computers like... →
Nothing counts today. Real life is for March. Make sure to wear blue and yellow, otherwise we get to pull your hair, poke you in the eyes, stomp on your feet, kick you in the shins, and insult your favorite football team. If you cry, you get candy from Leap Day William.
When the teacher starts looking at you
so you just start writing random stuff down:
Woman: Can I have birth control?
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Woman: My boyfriend isn't excited about sex anymore, because I lost my figure due to pregnancy. Will you pay for his erectile dysfunction pills?